Memories
by Ice of the Kitsune's Fire
Summary: "...Sasuke-kun," she breathed, and all I could do was watch, look as her mouth formed those syllables, and wonder how long it had been since someone had called me that. Sasusaku. /for ice/


**AU: So, I post this in a hurry, and I completely forget to put an author's note. How intelligent of me. Meh, consider this an apology-ish for those who are reading Wishes of Love and are tired of waiting for me to update. **

**Kiri: The only reason I finished this oneshot was cuz of you. So I dedicate this to you Kiri~**

**enjoy!**

_There once was a road that I abandoned._

**Day 6203 of Day 1**

Just the thought of her, standing there, _crying_, for goodness sake-

No. I wasn't going to reminisce, wasn't going to go through with this influx of memories, I was not going to do this-

_The way she threw her dignity down and begged, those tear-glistened eyes shining with dying vitality as she-_

No! This was the past, when I was twelve. This was when I made up my mind, this was when I became power-starved, this, _this _was when I took control. It was my destiny. This was meant to be, I told myself.

_And she cried and she cried, and promises and feelings were spilled, turning her tears into an unearthly shade of silver. _

Okay, she loves me. Big deal. I'm rare, I'm strong, and girls have been drooling over me since kindergarten. Skills as unique as mine are scarce, plus Uchiha blood runs through my veins. I'm one of a kind, so what big deal is it really that she "loves" me. Tch. Fangirls.

_And that desperate-torn face as she screamed in that last-ditch attempt to keep him-_

No, no, no! Why was I even thinking about this? This was useless. This was hindering. This-this was weak, something that _she_ would do. Pathetic girl chasing after dreams.

"_Please don't leave me!"_

That was my first chance.

_And I lost it._

**Day 1013**

"_Sasuke…-kun," and all I could do was watch, look as her mouth formed those syllables, and how long had it been since someone called me that-her eyes wide, stunned, awed._

…

"_Sakura." And that was the only word I spared her, so insignificant, cold, icy. It was all I could say, all I could even _care_ to say. She was a pointless rambling old bike in the rusted side of my memory, tarnished with age and webbed by determination._

_Naruto, there was more to be said. So his power had come from that chakra fox, that demon. This was a test to see how far I had gone, to see if I had truly bested him-_

_But he was easily dominated by the Sharingan. Shame. He was no longer a fair opponent, no longer worthy of consideration. And with that, his words became an irritating, forgotten buzz._

Afterwards, Orochimaru began to take an affinity to saying "Sasuke-kun". Kabuto was greatly amused, but shut up when the glaring commenced.

It was only later that I really, truly, realized that I had abandoned my second chance.

**Day 1806**

_I knew it was her even before Karin opened her mouth. Konoha wasn't even fifteen minutes away. It was dangerous territory. But that didn't serve to further caution me, instead, that chakra lulled me in. In an instant, I had vanished from Hebi's eyes under the pretense of scouting the chakra._

_She didn't even notice me at first. As I crouched on a branch, I wondered what had compelled me to even check that it was her-when I clearly recognized that signature. It was more refined now, in that carefully controlled way…like Kabuto's. A feeling of disgust rose at the thought: I had never liked Kabuto. But hers…her signature was more soft. Almost as if the edges of her chakra had wisps of down fluttering from it. _

_At her side lay a large dog-or was that a wolf? It's ears had twitched the moment I had arrived, and had begun to bristle and growl._

"_What is it, Sasuke?" I froze. How could she have sensed me? Even Karin had to concentrate to properly locate me when I didn't want to be found-_

_The wolf continued to growl, and when she didn't move, it snarled in my direction. She looked up. It began to whine frantically at her when she continued to stare at the leafy darkness without making a move. _

_And for the first time in two years, our eyes met. And they were so green, so bright and filled with that determination that I had seen reflected in the mirror so many times before. They challenged me, dared me to do something, snap a twig, move, attack, flee. Onyx eyes stared back. _

_Eventually the mutt's whines became shrieking howls, and her head snapped away. I was about ready to leave now, perhaps show myself to her just to see what she would say after that staring-_

"_Sasuke." I stilled. "There's nothing there. Stop howling. If anyone was there, they would have made a move already." She ran her fingers (small, delicate, just like how they were before) though it's fur, and suddenly I realized what had really happened._

_She had named the wolf after me._

Five days later, Haruno Sakura woke up from a dream in cold sweat. Next to her, Sasuke the wolf shivered and panted in her ear. All it took was one look from him, and she burst into tears.

_If only you knew I was there the whole time if only I didn't realize why you called my name-_

The next morning, she blamed it on the stress of the forgotten nightmare. She wouldn't remember the never-ending tears or the salty crust adhered to his fur. Most of all, she wouldn't remember the words she sobbed out.

"_**It feels like he's looking at me through you."**_

I dreamed of pink healing black that night.

_Blood, blood everywhere, red, red eyes spinning and thunder was singing and lightning was shrieking and the pale moon rose before fading to death-_

_And that bittersweet gesture of a forgotten time where there once was color-_

_His fingers met blood through the flesh of my forehead. _

"_Thank you…Sas-ke."_

The world stopped. And suddenly I was six, I was twelve, I was Sasu-chan, I was leaving Konoha, I was leaving _her_

"_F-find…someone…" he gasped "…to love."_

_And abruptly my black and white world blurred to grey._

Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was wrong, everything was gone, Itachi was gone, _gone_, how could I miss him after he did everything? why didn't he spit in my face, but to speak of love, _**love**_, what did he know of love either way-

_I saw the color of blooming roses. I stood up._

_And I fell back down crying because her hair was pink _

_-and I didn't know why._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

**Day 000**

_The end of time._

"_GET SOME FREAKING BLOOD INTO HIM ALREADY, WHAT ARE YOU, SENILE?"_

I can't help it! His body isn't responding-

_Nonononono you can't go, not now, Sasuke, not when we had to get through the Akatsuki to bring you back, no, NO! You can't die after achieving your goal, not when we finally achieved ours and got you back…_

His heart rate is dimming!

_You can't, you can't, you can't do this to me-_

_You can't-_

_Not now-_

_Sasuke-kun._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

**Day ***

_Shades of neverending grey_

_Who am I?_

…_Avenger. Yes, avenger, goal, blood_

_Revenge._

_No, no longer, Itachi's gone._

…

_and I'm alone._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._

_Day 0_

_of broken grey _

I awoke to darkness and sterile walls. My sides ached. The curtains were open, displaying the empty black sky. The stars seemed distant and dim, almost unwelcoming. But one shone brighter then the rest. It was aligned in a constellation that I couldn't remember the name of, surrounded by twinkling lights. A woman's voice echoed in my head: Polaris. It was warm, far off, but achingly familiar; and I knew that my memory was calling back my mother's voice.

"_If you ever are lost and we are not around," she whispered, "look for the dippers and locate Polaris."_

"_Polaris, Kaa-san?"_

"_Yes. Polaris means 'North Star'. It guides you home; it brings you back to where people love you."_

"_Yes, Kaa-san."_

North Star. My eyes glanced towards the edge of the bed, and quiet astonishment held me. Sakura. She was as lovely as I remembered, her pink mane sprawled around her face, eyelids shut in what must have been exhaustion. She must have fallen asleep waiting for me to wake.

Slowly, my hand reached out-almost tentatively-not even a hair's width from those soft, pink tresses. I was suspended there, should I_-could I?_After everything…but she was lying there, next to the bed, head pillowed on her folded arms. She was here…she was sleeping. It had to mean something, right?

And so it was that my fingers descended the remaining distance, and I marveled at how soft her hair was. Slowly I began to stroke her hair, barely skimming the surface, almost instinctively, because she was forbidden, locked away, too good for the darkness of me.

She did not stir, but when I applied more pressure _(lightly, hesitantly)_ she sighed and leaned into my caressing hand. Something in me froze, and I withdrew, subtly, so she wouldn't wake. But instead she protested the act by nudging her face-entirely-into my scarred palm-and suddenly, her soft, soft cheek was pressed against my skin, warm and…trusting. Goodness, she was a seasoned shinobi, a medic-nin, so what was she doing by leaning in and snuggling up to my hand-did she know what she was dealing with here? I was a missing-nin, I was dangerous-could she not sense that deadly aura around me?

She represented everything I had left behind. I killed, she healed. Hope didn't exist for me. She spread hope through her actions. And most of all, she whispered of the what-ifs and what could have beens that became the cobwebs that dusted my previous memories.

I looked back at the North Star.

I looked back at Sakura.

And somehow, I had made up my mind of what to do, what to do with the rest of my life.

Mother would have approved of my new Polaris.

_and so Day 1 began again._

She awoke with a crick in her neck and a heat under her cheek.

She rose slowly, her eyes gazing at the tousled dark mane around his neck. Sasuke. Looked like he still hadn't woken yet from the surgery…

She froze. Slowly looking down, she blushed when she saw his palm lying upwards right under where her cheek would have been during the night.

_Did he...? No, he wouldn't have done that, he was sleeping…_

She found that she couldn't resist leaning back into the bed, her fingers lightly brushing the lines of his hand, the calluses on his fingers-

He stirred, and she snapped her appendages back as if in danger, but the previously motionless limb jerked to life and snagged her arm. She found herself meeting dark coal eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. How long had it been since she's seen those black orbs?

His eyes were on her wrist, his grip strong and steady. Slowly, he loosened his fingers-on by one- until he was cupping the underside of her hand. What did this mean? Why hadn't he removed his hand already? The Uchiha seemed frown, and he began slipping his hand away. In the spur of the moment, she grabbed it. Not waiting to see his reaction, she gingerly threaded her fingers halfway through his.

She cursed inwardly. What was she thinking? Sakura held her breath, waiting for him to explode. He didn't. Instead, he stared at their hands strangely, as if it was foreign to him. His face was indefinable, almost concentrated-was that regret? She was about to pull away from the sheer awkwardness of it all-before he achingly bent his long fingers, one joint moving at a time, to close the remaining gap. Sakura stared openmouthed at their linked fingers, her mind running through every possible mental disease and memory loss.

But when he looked up, she saw something that faintly whispered of hope.

**AHHA. lame ending, no? READ AND REVIEW, tell me what ya think ;) Remember, reviews motivate me to write, so if you review...**

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